I cannot totally say that I am in love right now. There’s a specific person whom I really want to talk everytime I see him. I don’t want to mention his name neither the place that we usually see each other. I don’t want to talk about how we met and what makes him special for me. I cannot describe him because I don’t want to give specific descriptions about him in order for me to get away from any gossips if by chance one of my closest friends from high school and college might read this entry.
This person makes me think so much of love. Whenever I see him, I thought of LOVE. When we are talking, I wanted to open up a topic about LOVE. When I thought of him, I dreamed of being in LOVE. When I hear his name, I see LOVE. And when I stare at him… oh my! LOVE IS IN THE AIR.
But, there are times that I get tired of thinking about him. There are times that I hate him. There are times that I don’t want to see him. And there are times that I don’t LIKE him. Maybe this time around I am just infatuated with him. Maybe I just admire him for being as cool as he is. I just like his physical matter because it is what my eyes have seen about him. And maybe if I get a chance of peeping through his inner window, there might be changes with my feeling for him.
I hate myself being INSECURE sometimes. I am becoming judgmental and materialistic and earthly. I always look on the outer figure when in fact I know that the inner quality is the most significant of all. I get jealous when he looks at other women. I get mad if I haven’t caught his attention. When he needs my help I’m willing to help him, but I know that he won’t help me if I asked for his help.
Wushhuuu… Whatever I am feeling right now, I know that it is just a part of adolescent stage. I should not dwell into it, instead I must learn how to handle and control my emotions in terms like this.
“It’s just emotions that taking me over.”
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